Floating around Florianópolis

So after an extremely long bus we have made it to Florianópolis and first impressions are good. We spend the first day getting to know the area and lazing on the beach. What a hard life we are living out here!

That evening we decide to cut some costs and make dinner at home, followed by a walk along the beach where we are approached by a man selling “Feliz brownies”. A glance between us is all we need to know we are in. And two brownies later we are at a food market eating the biggest pile of seafood and chips I have ever seen. We have both been giggling away for quite a while before the waitress comes to ask if everything was ok. It was at this point it dawned on us how high we really are as I stare at the lady blankly struggling to come up with a reply and Daisy laughs in her face. She leaves the table looking puzzled and I turn to Daisy in a fit of giggles. Her eyes have now become tiny red slits and I dread to think what mine look like. We decide it’s time we get back to the comfort of the hostel only to make it outside the door where we see a sign for crepes and stumble back in for more munchies. After a very confusing broken interaction with the crepe man I believe I ordered two crepes with Nutella and banana. Now this is not what turned up to our table after what felt like an eternity waiting.

Essentially the taste was almost the same but the appearance caused another wave of giggles attracting the attention of the entire food park as they wonder what planet we are on. On The way home we stop off at a supermarket for more munchies and head back, crossing the path of a hoard of police. Daisy goes quiet and stares at the floor looking as guilty as they come while I strut past thinking I’m acting normal and blending in when really I’m about an inch taller than most of the women here, bright blond and have eyes two shades redder than my last batch of sunburn. We don’t blend well! After walking around so lost we debated vortex’s we finally make it back approaching the hostel from the opposite angle that we left it from! So officially mind-fucked we crawl in to bed and try to keep up with a basic film plot. Until we drifted in to a coma-like sleep and woke up with a mouth dryer than the surface of the desert.

The next day we decided we should venture a bit further than the end of the street, so gathered our possessions together to head to Praya Brava. Yet another over crowded beach where, afraid that we might burn, we went and sat under a hotel umbrella only to have the jobsworth guard come and actually take the umbrella from above our heads. Prick! So, determined to find some free shade we pitch up just to the side of a beach shack feeling pretty proud of our resourcefulness and throw occasional dagger eyes at the guard. A few hours of shade-bathing not wanting the sun to glisten off our white arses, and we head back to our neck of the woods. We realise the buses are not reliable and we spend 40 minuets sat on the side of the road trying to thumb a lift only to be totally ignored and have to wait for the bus anyway. By the time we made it back to Canasvieras we were ready for a return of the red eye. So we head down to our favourite food market and devour some serious amounts of sea food whilst bitching about how unreliable drug dealers are! I sneakily ask a few of the food vendors whose faces range from shock (apparently we don’t look like the usual clientele) to realisation as it dawns on them why you could hear our giggles echo the area yesterday. We score! A vendor sorts us out packing us off with smiles on our faces, only to bump in to the brownie man where we stock up.. again, unsure on how we have gone from complete non smokers to full time stoners in 24hrs. That night we definitely over did it and after putting the world to rights sat on a hill over looking the beach, we head back to the hostel one giant tub of ice cream in hand. The scattering of hippies we have to pass to make it to the safety of our dorm sing their hellos as we avoid eye contact and mumble half-arsed “holas” and quicken our pace. I beeline for the room praying nobody has checked in forcing me to do the routine pleasantries where are you from, going ..etc. I make it to the door having successfully avoided any conversation only for Daisy to shout that she’s getting spoons and disappear off. I have a moment of shock followed by admiration at her bravery to enter the packed kitchen alone. She comes back moments later looking like a damaged woman and tells me all about the minefield of eye contact she has navigated. We eat the whole tub of ice cream from the shadows of the garden wondering how unsociable we must look, to make matters worse we hurry back to the room put our towels over the bottom bunk making our own little cave and watch Bridget Jones’ Diary. Winning.

The next morning we pack up our bags and go to pay our bill only to be told it’s been paid already. Now either some kind stranger has decided to pay our bill or they have made a mistake. The first highly unlikely seeing as we haven’t strung two words together since we arrived here, so I check again.Now not wanting to ask three times we set off for our new hostel £10 up. We arrive at 11am and decide to munch our last brownie, unknowingly signing away our day right there. An hour later we are sat at an ‘all you can eat’ buffet surrounded by dirty plates and debating how many plates of dessert we can have without being judged. The answer is two. We then shuffle out in a low hum of giggles, make it halfway up the road and enter a very inviting looking cafe. We spend at least 4 hours in this place ordering Baileys coffees and banoffe pie wondering if the staff can tell that the two blondes sprawled out on the sofas with lazer beems for eyes are infact higher than the Tower of London. At about 4pm we start to feel the clouds lifting as our eyes return to their normal size and we sit watching The Lake.

Now after a hard day doing nothing I head for a massage. What a day. That evening we head down to the local square to eat our way round the market, we have some messy looking wraps that leak hummus down our chins (not a good look) whilst trying to hold a conversation in Spanish/Portuguese/English with our neighbours who are now officially put off ordering the wrap. Then just to solidify their assumption that we are stoned we walk off without paying. Finally we pay the tab and head back to the safety of our hostel vowing not to get high in the morning again.

The next morning waking up eyes glued together and realising we had stoneovers, we head out for a walk around the lagoon. Something we were told was easy to find. They obviously hadn’t met me and Daisy before. After walking for an hour we asked someone the way, only to find we had walked an hour in the wrong direction and had to go right back. So two hours of walking and we are still outside our hostel. So we cheat and get the boat over. Even the boat seems to take forever and the vibrations of the old motor struggling to carry our weight made my nose insanely itchy and I spent the entire journey pulling at it whilst the other passengers increased the distance between them and the crazy looking gringas. And after all that palaver the waterfall is just a dribble of water down a pile of rocks. We have definitely become spoilt, and don’t stay long before getting the boat back. More scratchy nose for me. Once back food is top of the agenda and we try to go to a restaurant that had been recommended and we had passed on our earlier detour. But after walking 30 minutes out of town we find the place and see that it’s far too expensive and we have to walk once again all the way back to town, grabbing a very late lunch and then sitting in our favourite cafe again. While devouring deserts and heading back to the hostel to smoke ourselves into comas, we awkwardly lie to our dormies about how great the walk was, too ashamed to admit our total lack of direction.

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Sassy São Paulo

São Paulo feels like home from home and after the small town life we fall in love with the city. The tubes are more than efficient and make London look prehistoric with its cramped, delayed sweaty tubes. The carriages feel like penthouses with their air con and colourful chairs that don’t force you to sit in a rows avoiding eye contact with a stranger.

The area we are staying in is riddled with beautiful boutiques selling one off items, and having worn our clothes to extinction. Every item showing the signs of abuse. We decide it is finally time to lay our misshapen, off white, stained things to rest and adopt a new wardrobe. Day two and we head to Buntantan food and vintage clothes market where people rout through piles of junk looking for that one gem amongst the smell of dead peoples clothes. Then head to the food stalls and shoulder their way to the front to shout their order at very rushed looking staff. We indulged in both parts of this process and head home with yet more clothes. Feeling like something off a chic flick we defiantly got carried away and after two days we emerge new women. We now look far too clean for our hostel and hit the town. Where we end up in a swanky bar that reminds us of London. The gin and tonics go straight to our heads and before we know it we have joined a party of english speakers who meet up once a week to practice English. It’s a win win they get to hear a pissed up Brit in its natural habitat and we get to look like we actually have friends. And although we are in a swanky place we are still overdressed as we managed to turn up for a pyjama party themed night.

We stumble back to the hostel after an embarrassing money issue with the taxi driver where our card got declined so we showered him in change and left whilst he counted the coins. We managed it up the stairs and demanded a lighter so we could make drunken munchies before stumbling to bed armed with water. The next morning we rise, somehow without hangovers and feeling like we were winning at life we decide to hit the town again this time with a new friend. Once again we drink too much and chat political bollocks we know nothing about before deciding our bellies need attention and head to the Mexican up the road. We get multiple rounds of tacos before heading to a night club. A night club we decided was far too expensive so instead hung around outside drinking neat whisky and chatting to the locals. But Realising we could no longer stomach our drinks and every mouthful was a challenge we thought it sensible to head home.

The next morning barely a hangover in sight we head to the Japanese part of town where two quick efficient tubes later and you emerge from the station wondering how you made it all the way to Japan. The streets converted in to a marked wafting different delicious smells from every direction. Now with not enough belly space for all the new creations we want to try we get tactful deciding to order one of everything and split it therefore trying the maximum amount of flavours. The giant gyoza was swimming in a delicious sauce and the steamed bun felt like sinking your teeth in to a cloud. The prawn balls weren’t quiet as good but then maybe by this point we were spoilt. Followed by some sweet bean pancakes that really confuse the tastebuds in a good way. Next we move on the nick nack stalls where we buy things we don’t need at prices too cheep to question. A quick wonder around the town and the worlds tiniest Japanese garden and it’s time to drag our swollen bellies home. Deciding to walk it off before getting the tube, we leave Japan behind us and walk towards home where we stumble upon a run down part of town with a pile of puke every few meters and old grey buildings towering above us. After having only seen the bright lights of São Paulo its certainly a contrast. That evening after a few rounds of cards we take over the Netflix area dominating the sofas with our blankets and watch kill bill, and in every loading break we make up the stories to go with the Portuguese comics lying around. Giggling enough to drive the other back packers away wondering what we have smoked. (Let’s not tell them that we are naturally this blonde).

The next morning and time to say goodbye to our new friend and head out for more sight seeing. We start the day my favourite way and go for lunch. Where we order enormous bowls of ramen from Lamen Kazu, they defiantly live up to expectations and I slurp the contents down in record time and then help Daisy finish hers. (Moments like this remind me why we work so well travelling together). Next trying to fit in as many things in one day we walk home the scenic rout stopping at a park, then going to the top of a sky scraper for our classic view point where we were offered complimentary champagne. Winning! We stop at another park on the way home where we watch a hoard of skaters whiz by, a girl practising some very energetic dance routine to no music and a lost looking gringo play the harmonica. Wondering what the people watching us must think. On the way home we pop in to “Coffee lab” and order two caçhasa coffees… and wow they tasted like liquid heaven I won’t say more but go there!

Another day of adventures and we wonder back to our haven of a hostel “cafe hostel” where the owner is non stop singing, creating a ripple affect around the hostel as we all echo his cheesy tunes. That evening we head for falafel wraps at “Haya falafel” where we chose kale wrapped falafels and pumpkin houmos! Yummy!

That brings us to day five in the city and we head to the park to read our books in the sun, before visiting the modern art museum offering free entry on Tuesdays! We then head for lunch in “Jiquitia” where you can choose any three dishes on the menu to make your own set menu. Despite them being run out of everything the choices we did have were very nice. Made better by the incredibly sweet desserts. We arrive back home to find the hostel overrun with professional looking cameras and enough camera men to create a block buster movie. Only it’s not so no chance of us becoming famous no matter how much we hover around awkwardly trying to find a corner to ourselves.

So it’s our last day in São Paulo and what better way to spend it than to jump 12000feet out of an airplane for the bargain price on £50, which does beg the question is the parachute included? You’ll be sorry to hear it was and we will continue to clog your news feed for the foreseeable future. The dive was amazing despite missing our bus there and having to pay an overpriced taxi.

We all huddled in the back of the mini plane practically sat on each other’s laps, Nervously giggling as we watched the earth turn in to a patchwork quilt. After watching daisy plummet through the sky it was finally my turn. I dangled half in half out the aircraft and when thrown out my giggles morphed in to screams and my stomach struggled to catch up with me as the adrenaline coursed my body! All too soon the parachute is deployed and a few spins and a journey through a cloud later and I land on my feet only to be pulled back on to my bum in a fit of giggles.I feel like a child wanting to demand again again. That night we head to the bus station hoping to get the night bus to Florianopolis only to find out that we would have to wait till 23.30pm! Note to self: always book busses first unless you really enjoy 3 hours sat on uncomfortable plastic chairs people watching.

Unbelievable Ubatuba

After leaving Thea I felt slightly lost, three months of clinging on to each other like leaches, whilst hiking and non stop giggling. I arrived in Ubatuba which is a town north of São Paulo, this is where the Brazilians go on holiday, to see 80 different paradise beaches – which really are paradise. I arrived at Tie hostel, where I exchanged work for accommodation. Only to find Brazilian hippes smoking weed, Incense burning all round the hostel and singing Portuguese songs which instantly reminded me of the inbetweeners “why is there always some prick with a guitar”. Let’s just say that first impression aren’t everything, within hours of being there I had met my new family for 10 days.

Constantly pointing at random objects and saying what the name is in our mother tongue, finishing every sentence with “entende” this is where I learnt not to just reply with just “Si si” as it made me look like more of a gringa.

After exploring ubatuba city I decided to volunteer at another hostel further down south called Tribo hostel. This was the place that you could spend 5 years and it only feels like a month has gone by.

A tiny little town where everyone knows each other says “bom dia” every morning, bbqs in the locals homes, dancing forró in the rain and nicknaming ubatuba “ubachuva” “chuva” means rain in Portuguese. I was extremely lucky with the people I met as Brazilians will make you your best friend within the first five minutes of meeting you even if you don’t speak their language.

We watched the stars at night guessing which ones were planets and figuring out which way is north and south, swimming all the way to the bottom of the sea bed to collect sand even if we couldn’t hear anything else for the rest of the day, jumping of the rocks not knowing if it was safe, drinking red wine, learning “portanol” which is Portuguese and Spanish combined. After a month of sunsets and sandflies it was time to say our goodbyes.

Parting in Paraty

Next stop after carnival was Paraty a place a little further down the coast. Paraty is beautiful and less busy than Rio which was a welcome change. Despite this we still managed to check in to probably the busiest party hostel with a hoard of drunken Irish cheering at any given opportunity. They were very entertaining for a short while until there already thick accents became thicker as they slurred their words and one began rambling political contradictory bullshit to people who weren’t listening whilst his friend tried his hand at beatboxing spraying the unfortunate audience with spit whilst another tried desperately to control his drunken friends shushing then every few minuets. A girl then came from another table announcing “by the way your friend just got his dick out”. This was my cue for bed. Where I lay on a ridiculously high top bunk in an overly sweaty dorm cursing the Irish as their voices boomed through the walls making my earplugs feel like megaphones. The next morning and after a sweaty Muay Thai class I was happy to see our new friends check out, and with only two broken hours of sleep we got a bus to Trinidade a nearby beach town with breathtaking views and a natural water slide a short walk through the jungle.

Waiting for the bus after a lovely day we met a man with a puppy and the cutest kid ever that hung off me trying to communicate in broken Portuguese.

The next morning we must go our separate ways, setting off on a new adventure volunteering. Daisy will be in Ubatuba learning to surf and I will be in Boisucanga teaching English.

Crazy Carnival in Rio de Janeiro

Carnival was as you can imagine crazy. The streets are full of drunken people in tutus, Lycra and covered head to toe in glitter. Everywhere there are huge trucks driving the streets with samba bands blaring their anthem. Whilst hundred of people try to sell you beers, caipirinhas and snacks. To one side you have beautiful beaches the other sky scrapers and you are surrounded by chaos.

We were lucky enough to have an apartment just out of it all, which became our sanctuary for the long hangovers we have become unused to. After not drinking for soo long we have become complete lightweights and after a few caipirinhas we are stumbling home slurring our words and downing water. Amid the drinks and dress up we did some of the classic tourist attractions Christ the redeemer was so high up one gust of wind and the clouds consumed the statue making it invisible and two seconds later they would part giving us a great view.

Sugar loaf mountains were amazing the view is priceless from the top and we stayed up there for hours taking it all in.

The botanical gardens were beautiful and we didn’t realise we had arrived on woman’s day until the tickets were free. Winner! We walked around the greenhouses dripping in sweat in the mid day heat.

The stairs in Lapa were very colourful and full of drunken youth dragging out the carnival as long as they could as us tourists stepped around them trying to get the perfect picture.

All in all Rio has been a blur of beautiful beaches and strong cocktails. And I would love to do it all over again but I’m not sure my liver would survive.

Crazy Cali

So Cali is a big, busy city where the people seem less friendly and the constant heat leaves you feeling clammy from the minute you wake up! The first thing we did, after breakfast of course (our priorities always firmly on food) was head to the closest viewpoint. The city stretched for miles, ugly spewed-out buildings as far as the eye can see. Here we indulged in one of the local delicacies, something I can only describe as a Colombian slush puppy. Fruit flavoured ice and a mountain of fruit all rammed in a plastic cup that tasted even more amazing than it looked!

After walking around for hours we decided to cool off at the hostel, whilst intermittently muttering occasionally about the heat. Then we headed off in search of a local market offering some beautiful local seafood dishes. Now I usually pride myself on being a bit of a bottomless pit when it comes to food but this time I really over did it and had to undo my skirt and lean back in my chair sighing occasionally. I only moved at the mention of coffees, where we hobbled the 20 steps away and ordered caramel frappes!

It was here we made out first real Colombian friends where we laughed for hours discussing different sayings and slang words from the area. “El que no oye consejos no llege a viejo” (if you don’t listen to advice you won’t live a long life) which I think might have been a hint for us to listen to advice. My personal favourite and one I believe we have been living by even before we knew it is “donde fueres has lo que vieres” basically meaning “do as the locals do”.

With that being said we went for a beer with our Aussie friend that we have bumped in to literally everywhere since we met in Taganga!

And we attempted to dance salsa with the locals to the great amusement of those watching as we shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other, red faced and sweaty but persistent in learning what looked like simple steps. After sweating out our body weight and noticing that the time had flown by we fled the ball like Cinderella, wanting an early night ready for Buenaventura tomorrow.

Mischief in Medellin

New year same hangovers! Me and Daisy showered, shaved and put some makeup on, we actually resembled the two girls that had left England 3 weeks ago! This is the first sign of the direction the night was going in, see for two girls who have given up caring about appearances and only shave when absolutely necessary when we actually look and feel like women again we want to share that. So now ready for a drink we got tipsy at the hostel bar trying our first shots of Aguadiente. Now sufficiently drunk and ready to take Medellin by storm we left our fellow hostelers and went to Happy Buddha to meet our Aussie mates. A few beers and some eagerly received free food later we decided to walk the half hour journey back to our hostel putting the world to rights the entire way. After a few more beers we were all drunk and aware that the countdown was fast approaching so headed out in a convoy of taxis to our next location. A hostel even more quiet and shit than ours had been. This is where the mischief really began as I decide to wingman Daisy with the help of my super unsubtle friend. Less than five minuets later they share a sneaky kiss and we celebrate our new careers as matchmakers with a high five. I instantly realised this plan had backfired when it dawned on me that I had now lost my wingman. But my matchmaking partner filled the position of partner in crime as we bonded over fellow pride and lots of booze. After a countdown that Daisy missed whilst peeing, followed by hugs with a bunch of practical strangers we ended up at Happy Buddha hostel once again. Where the floors were sticky, the bathroom cues long and the residents a sea of pissed up gringos! We managed to bump in to almost everyone we had met on this trip so far and embarrassingly failed at salsa. After we had kissed a couple of frogs with some cringeworthy public displays of affection across town, we decided to call it a night and snuck off home. Only to wake up the next morning realising the guys we had kissed were actually staying in our hostel! So now sleep deprived and followed by our shame we hid in the tv room watching a chic flic until we had enough energy to load up like donkeys with all our worldly possessions and head off to find a bus out of this hell!